Us guys are all the same.
None of us believe that bad things will happen to us in the last decades of our lives. We think it’s not going to happen to us, just the other guy. The unlucky geezer that got screwed in the end.
Poor bastard. But not me. Not you, right?
Every, and I mean every man I’ve met who ended up hating the final chapters of his life, said a version of those very words to me. I’ve heard this from millionaires, ex-Navy SEALS, artists with work hanging in city museums, retired doctors, and regular guys like us. I’ve heard it from every one of them:
“I never thought this would happen to me.”
If you live in my area and don’t make some changes, I’ll hear it from you too. I promise. Why am I being so grim? The statistics of how men’s lives play out aren’t warm and fuzzy. Let’s take a look...
Life Expectancy: U.S. men die at an average 76.1 years old, compared to women at 81.9 years. That’s basically a 6 year gap, the widest since 1996. There's even a popular nursing home finder online called, “A Place for Mom” because of course, dad is already dead. In 2021, you had a 337% chance of dying before your wife.
When you hit 50, as a man, you have an average 26 years of life left. That’s it. This is definitely unsettling, but knowing this gives you the golden opportunity to decide how you’ll live those final years.
You must decide and take action, or life will decide for you. Letting life decide will result in miserable years as you slowly and painfully fade out of life. I've sadly seen this countless times in my 30 years in the healthcare field.
Obesity: At the beginning of 2021, the CDC released statistics on obesity in America for adults over 20, covering the years 2017-2018. Ready for this? 73.6% of adults in the U.S. were overweight and obese.
Holy mackerel.
How did this happen?
When I was in school, the overweight kids were in the minority and made fun of. Now the in-shape kids are the exception, and are starting to get fit-shamed. (I swear to God, this is a thing now.) Everything’s turned upside down now. My wife is in amazing shape after having four children, yet her family constantly tells her she’s too skinny.
The U.S. Department of Defense’s data shows only 23% of Americans age 17-24 would meet the physical requirements to enlist in the military. Why? 77% of our population is either overweight or just out of shape, now called “skinny fat.” The military also found that these conditions are related with alcohol/drug use and mental/emotional health problems.
Divorce Statistics: 50% of all first marriages, 67% for second marriages, and 73% for third marriages end in divorce. You think that's bad enough? it's not. Ready for the giant stab in the back?
70% of all divorces are initiated by women.
Let that sink in.
Men are obviously doing something wrong in the relationship department.
Here's something crazy: A meta analysis of 18 marriage studies found that married people’s life satisfaction goes down over time while staying married! How many married men that avoid divorce are actually happy in their relationships?
Are you?
Retirement savings: The average retirements savings for 50-year-olds is $250,000. This is frighteningly low, as 50% of households will have to lower their standard of living after retirement due to the prices of everything going sky high. Even if you manage to save enough, your wife will likely be the one spending it in the end. You’ll be too debilitated to enjoy it, or already be dead. I see this literally every day.
Suicide: Men over 75 have the highest percentage of suicides than any other group in America, by a lot. Suicide rates in men from 55-64 have increased by 10% in one year, from 2021 to 2022. Us men have accounted for 80% of all suicides in 2021 in the U.S.
The ugly truth is that these statistics suck, but there’s something lurking underneath them all. The men that haven’t killed themselves, aren’t overweight or out of shape, haven’t been ditched by their wives, aren't frail and debilitated, and aren’t close to broke—most of them are still miserable. I see this day in and day out working as a physical therapist with the older generation.
Most older men are unhappy because, although biologically male, they no longer look, feel, or act like men. They've lost their strength and vitality. They stopped taking any meaningful action. They’ve lost their purpose, their sense of value, and their identity. They’ve slipped from being a man, to just existing as a male, slowly gliding into death.
The dream of retirement slowly turns into a nightmare, where we gradually lose who we are, what we can do, and the sharp edge we once had.
Stagnant water gets foul. The idle man stops being a man.
Crazy as it seems, in a world of women’s rights, gender equality, and an undercurrent of man-hating, we’ve become the forgotten gender. We are the disposable ones. Our sacrifices have become expected and rarely appreciated. Valued only for what we give and do, not for who we are.
While women have been busy finding themselves, men have become lost.
So for us men, what to do?
Acknowledge that these statistics are real and can happen to us, and most likely will if we don't take action. Like G.I. Joe used to say, "Knowing is half the battle." We can only avoid hitting a tree if we see it first.
Realizing the possible outcomes of our fate is the first step to controlling it. Accepting the sobering thought that, yes, this can happen to me.
But it doesn't have to.
We control more of our future than we think, and this is a wonderful thing. Small decisions we make everyday add up, like pennies filling a piggy bank. A couple of small deposits every day into our future selves are what shape our future. The question is, what are they going to add up to?
You get to decide. Every day we all choose if we grow a little, or die a little. At the end of the day, that is exactly what happened. One or the other.
Choosing to grow a little bit every day is exactly what 2nd50strong is all about. How and what we choose will be the topic of our next talk. Stay tuned.
Redefine your prime,
Ken Kowalsky